Vintage Lovers, or How Loud Blake Can Get
by MiladyGirl
Summary: Rossi and Blake have an affair that they think they can keep secret. Well... that might be a bit too hopeful.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**

For starters, this was supposed to be a sequel to the Care, Love And Tenderness fic I wrote some time ago, but Blake acted way too sassy and flirty to be getting sick so I remodelled the whole thing and this is what happened.

I totally ship Blake and Rossi. I totally ship her with JJ too, but I can picture Blake to be much more of a flirt with Rossi and it's just too much fun to play with from time to time. LOL

* * *

Reid crossed over the names of the two suspects they had dismissed. Hotch looked down at his tablet.

"Even if we add the new information we've got, our original profile - "

At that point, Blake suddenly sneezed. Loudly.

Rossi jumped and spilled some of his coffee. JJ's hand flew up to her chest in a gesture of genuine fright. Morgan muttered a curse. Reid dropped the pen.

"- bless you - is still accurate," Hotch finished, not missing a beat.

The room fell silent. Everybody looked at Blake, who covered her face with both hands. Gradually she lowered them enough to allow her to peek at the team.

"Whoa. Could you do that again with a little more feeling? I don't think they heard you in Los Angeles," Morgan joked.

"It wasn't that loud," Blake muttered.

"Yeah, it was," Morgan chuckled.

Reid opened his mouth, gearing up for one of his trademark lectures. Rossi, still wiping coffee from the table, didn't even have to look directly at him to know that it was coming, and he acted in self-defence with a harsh;

"Shut up, Reid."

Reid shut up.

Hotch ignored their exchanges altogether. He surveyed the team over the tablet.

"Dave, you and Blake go and review the latest crime scene, Morgan and Reid go to the ME's office, JJ, you and I go talk to the family."

* * *

"Well, I knew you did have certain… _loud_ tendencies, but I didn't know they extended outside of the bedroom," Rossi said.

Blake blushed and punched him on the shoulder.

"Hush, what if someone hears you?"

"Frankly, Alex, I think that's my line," Rossi tossed back and was rewarded with a big smile.

"Do you think anyone has caught on yet?"

"I doubt it. We've been so careful, there's no way they could have figured it out unless we'd tell them flat out. Besides, we're a bit too old to draw attention to us even if we spend time together."

"Ouch, watch out who you're calling old," Blake snapped and tried to look insulted but was unable to keep from grinning.

"My heartfelt apologies, but what are we, then? We're definitely not young, and I think we've stretched 'middle-aged' about as far as you could."

Blake shrugged.

"I don't like the implications of the word 'old', that's all."

"Classics?" he said as he held the car door open for her.

"How about vintage?"

"Vintage lovers. Hm, yeah. It does have a nice ring to it."

"I quite like dating an author."

"Good, because I quite like dating a linguist."

"And nobody knows about us?"

"Nobody. Don't worry."

* * *

"Do you think it's a good idea sending Alex and Dave out together?" JJ teased. "They might never get there."

Hotch gave her an ambiguous glance.

"If _we_ can stay professional while working a case, I trust they can too," he said. "What they do back at the hotel is their business."

"Hmm, true, but did you see the way he looked at her when they got up to leave?"

"I may have missed that, but I did notice the way _she_ looked at _him_."

"You mean I don't look at you that way?" JJ said, pretending to sound hurt.

"I mean that's precisely how you look at me," Hotch replied pointedly.

* * *

"I think Blake and Rossi are having an affair," Reid said, sounding as if it had just struck him. Morgan snorted.

"You think? Really, Pretty Boy, Garcia is way ahead of you. She's been talking about this for four months."

"You knew?! And you didn't tell me?"

"Hey, it was hardly my thing to tell."

"Who do you think initiated it?"

"I'd put my money on Rossi. He's a womaniser, we all know that."

"You think he seduced her?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I prefer not to get those pictures in my head, thank you very much!"

Reid was silent for a while and then said, rather gloomily;

"Now I've got those pictures in my head too. That wasn't quite what I aimed for."

* * *

"You're a flirt Alex, you know that, right?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Right, because you did not use your profiling skills to find out what I cannot resist."

"If you're referring to the elevator thing a few months ago, I wasn't doing that on purpose. I can't help it that my shirt slid down my shoulder, showing off my bra strap…"

"Yeah, because you _always_ wear oversized shirts to work," Rossi returned. Blake pursed her lips in an attempt to hold back a smile.

"Okay, fine, I did it on purpose. In my defence, my husband had just left me for a 25-year-old, I wanted to see if I still had it."

"Had it?"

"You know. Had 'it'. If I could still get a man interested."

"Have you ever met a man - or a woman, for that matter - who wasn't interested in you?"

"Long story short; _yes_!"

Rossi chuckled and put a hand on her thigh.

"Well, _this_ man happens to be _very_ interested."

Blake bit her lip.

"You really shouldn't touch me like that if we don't have an extra five minutes to take care of business."

"Five minutes? Normally we're at it for at least _forty_ -five."

"Believe me, I don't need much to get off right now."

"We definitely can't do anything when we're on duty."

"I know. And we can hardly do it at the hotel either. Your room is next to Hotch's and mine is next to JJ's."

Rossi considered.

"JJ is less risky."

"Hmm," Blake replied, which he knew from experience would usually end up turning into a yes. "You may need to gag me, you know I just can't be quiet in the bedroom."

"I like it when you're loud in bed, it flatters my ego."

Blake gave him a lingering, teasing gaze.

"Mm, yes, that's a pleasant side effect."

"You call flattering my ego a side effect?"

"I did, but don't forget that the adjective in the sentence was 'pleasant'."

"Fair point."

"Take your hand off my leg, David, or I won't be held responsible for my actions."

"Fine. We're almost at the crime scene anyway."

Blake ran her fingertips over his knuckles.

"My room later, then."

"Unless you want to wait until we're back in DC."

"Yeah, right, not a chance."

"I'm glad we're in agreement."

"There's another thing you'd probably want to know…"

"What?"

"I'm not wearing any underwear."

"You… wear a skirt today."

"I know."

"Aw Alex, you're not playing fair!"

She smiled sweetly.

"No, I'm not."


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm going to be nice to them," Hotch said when he and JJ went back to their car, took out his phone and called Rossi. "Dave? Would you two mind picking up some lunch for us on your way back? Yeah. Okay, good." He hung up and turned to JJ. "Now they can blow off some steam and blame lunch hour lines if it takes a while."

JJ smirked.

"That's probably a good idea. Were we like this in the beginning?"

He scoffed.

"Yes, we were."

"Oops."

"Yeah."

"They do handle it pretty well though, it's not their fault they work with some of the best profilers in the world."

"I count on them handling it well, they're not fresh out of the Academy either of them. They're going to calm down soon. If not, I'll talk to them in private, but for now, we'll just let them enjoy what they have. Rossi had a hard time getting over Strauss's death, and Blake was probably more upset over her divorce than she wanted to let on."

"I agree. But it is kind of sweet how they think nobody knows."

* * *

"Hotch told us to pick up some takeaway when we go back," Rossi said. Blake's eyes sparkled.

"So… we can blame rush hour if we're, say, five minutes late? Or maybe even… ten?"

"Exactly. Have you ever had sex in a car before?"

"Yes I have. You?"

"Actually not."

Blake gave him a weird glance.

"Wow."

"Wow, what?"

"Were you such a gentleman?"

"I'm not sure about the gentleman part, exactly, but I knew another place to go than the car."

"Mm. Well, we don't have another place right now, so let's find a secluded spot to park."

"Behind that closed gas station, maybe?"

"Perfect."

Blake put the car in park and they reached for each other almost violently, kissing and biting with no thoughts as to how to explain the scratches and bite marks once they returned.

"Get into the backseat," Blake ordered him.

"Fuck the backseat," Rossi replied and Blake laughed breathlessly.

"I'd rather fuck _you_ ," she growled and climbed over to the passenger's seat, like a cougar approaching its prey, and Rossi was more than ready to be devoured.

* * *

Five minutes was actually a rather accurate time estimation for this quickie, but five minutes tend to be more than enough time to fog up the windows of an entire SUV if the actions taking place inside are steamy enough.

As the two lovers tried to get their breathing and heart rate back to normal, somebody rapped on one of said fogged up windows.

"Hey kids, knock it off, this isn't…"

Blake jumped back into the driver's seat, rolled down the window and stared at the police officer outside. He stared back at her, then past her at Rossi, and looked like his jaw would soon drop all the way to the ground. He cleared his throat and said;

"Sir, ma'am, may I see some ID, please?"

Both agents pulled out their badges and held them up, but neither looked straight at the cop, who shook his head.

"Wow. Okay. I'm gonna let you go with a warning, but if I see your car is still here in five minutes, I'm going to report it in."

He went back to his car, still shaking his head in disbelief.

Rossi rolled his eyes.

"I haven't been caught with my pants down in twenty-five years."

"So you _have_ been caught with your pants down before?"

"Landlord. Walked straight in on me and my first wife."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, I know."

"Not that, I'm _so sore_. Ouch."

"You do know telling me that rubs my ego the right way too, right?" Rossi joked. Blake snorted.

"Your ego is easily rubbed."

"So is…" he cut himself off. "No, not going there. Not until tonight."

"Wise decision, my love," Blake said and leaned in to kiss him. "Okay. Let's go pick up some food and go back to the station."

* * *

Morgan shook his head, grinning, as he watched Blake and Rossi get out of the car and head for the door.

"You can really tell a lot about a person from the way they walk," he said.

"Absolutely, the…" Reid fell silent. "I have a feeling you're going to say something other than what I was thinking."

"Let me put it this way; Rossi doesn't have the blue balls walk any longer, and Blake can barely walk at all. What does that tell you?"

Reid had to think about it for a moment, then he turned beet red.

"While working a case? That's…"

"Don't worry," Hotch said. "I guessed. I sent them to pick up food so they'd have an excuse for taking some time. Now they'll be able to focus on the job instead of their… urges."

"I'm not sure I want to eat that food," Morgan said.

"Just pretend. You can pick up something else later," he said and turned around just as the two senior agents came inside. "Anything on the crime scene?"

"Nothing you wouldn't expect. Blood spatter on the wall in a characteristic pattern; our unsub cut the victim's throat. Consistent with the ME's report, killer is right-handed, but that's about all we can tell," Blake concluded, sounding completely professional.

"No signs of a struggle in the apartment either," Rossi added as he put down the bags of takeaway. "He never saw him coming."

Blake made it over to the table and very carefully sat down on a chair, wincing a little. JJ bit back a grin.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just… um… hurt my back getting out of the car, it's nothing."

"Ah," JJ said, and if Blake had been less sore she might have noticed the amusement in JJ's voice - the amusement and scepticism - but she was too focused on herself. It had been thirty-two years since she had sex in a car, and she knew now there was a reason for it. The idea was hot, but the execution was complicated.

When she looked up, she accidentally locked eyes with Rossi, and they both smiled before looking away again.

 _If they only knew_ , Blake thought, blissfully unaware of the little detail that everyone on the team knew perfectly well what the linguist and the author were up to.

* * *

"I can't believe you've gone without underwear for a whole day, at work," Rossi said as he snuck into Blake's room that evening. "That is…"

"…not the first time," Blake filled in with a seductive smile. "I don't really think underwear is that comfortable anyway, so sometimes I skip them."

"Was it on purpose today…?"

"Might have been…" she teased and reached for his belt. "As much as I enjoy being the one in control, I think it's your turn to be on top."

"How generous of you."

"Well, that's me. I'm quite the giver."

"Now I'm gonna give _you_ some," he replied and wrestled her down on the bed. Blake let out a loud moan as he started to kiss his way down her body.

"Oh God… sorry… I'll try to be quiet… oh my _GOD_ …!"

"Don't hold back for me, sweetheart," he mumbled. "I like hearing a woman enjoy herself."

Blake took him by his word.

* * *

JJ's eyes widened and she turned to look at Hotch.

"What the hell are they _doing_?"

Hotch looked back at her and his mouth twitched a couple of times before he began to laugh. JJ could never keep from laughing herself on the rare occasions when Hotch did, and the situation was beyond absurd.

"Sssh, quiet, they'll hear us," JJ squeaked and smacked Hotch in the head with her pillow.

"Hear us?" Hotch chuckled, "They're so loud they wouldn't hear the end of the world coming!"

" _They_?!" JJ said. "I only hear Alex!"

She snorted and began squirming with laughter as she recalled something she had read somewhere.

"You know they say a sneeze is 1/8 of an orgasm?"

"Oh my God," Hotch choked out, "We have to evacuate the hotel!"

JJ collapsed in a heap, laughing so hard she cried.

The sounds from their neighbours seemed to reach a crescendo and then the banging against the wall stopped as a final " _OH GOOOOOOOOD YES_!" pierced the walls. The silence afterwards was deafening.

"Wow," Hotch said and wiped tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Am I boring for not screaming like that?" JJ asked.

"If you screamed like that, I'd be terrified," Hotch said and kissed her. "Tomorrow night, you and I sleep in my room. And on the next case, I'll make sure they get their rooms on a different floor from the rest of us."

JJ grinned.

"Then they'll figure out that we know."

"Let them."

"It's funny though, Alex is so quiet and collected on every occasion."

"It's always the quiet ones. No, what do you say we try and get some sleep now that WW3 next door is over?"

"Yeah. Goodnight."

* * *

"Dave, are you awake?"

"Mhm."

"Wanna go again? Oh… yes, you do."

* * *

 **A/N**

Those final lines of dialogue actually had me laughing like an evil genius in a cartoon. For real. They were not planned in any of the drafts and just made it in after I uploaded the file. Okay. Well.

I have no excuses. I'm a terrible person. :D


End file.
